Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please let me offer my most humble obeisances in the dust of your lotus feet. All glories to you. Srila Prabhupada, you are the true representative of Lord Krisna. That is why you could present Bhagavad-gita as it is. After your departure, Bhagavad-gita has now been published even in Arabic and Chinese, and hundreds and thousands of people are becoming devotees by reading this presentation.
In the beginning, when I joined, I thought that you would be like any other sadhu in India, but after hearing you I could realize that you were different. I joined in 1972 and was brought in contact with your lotus feet. Then I had many opportunities to hear your discourses at our temple in Juhu in Bombay. There I heard you using terms like fools, rascals, cats, dogs, etc. Nice, well-dressed, elderly, big and rich, handsome – very many people would come to hear you. But you would often tell them that they were fools, rascals, cats and dogs. I would contemplate, and wonder what kind of sadhu is this? Nice, nice people were coming to listen to him, and he is calling them by all these names! Cannot he use some other, nice and better terms? The kind of remarks made by you I thought, were unusual and unexpected.
I had very little appreciation for them all. To begin with, I was in darkness, but when some more time passed, mercifully you injected some purity in me. Then, with your blessings, I was able to begin to see what is what and who is who. To some extent I began realizing that it was true that these people were fools and no less than cats and dogs. Later on, I also started using these terms during my preaching, where I was repeating your message. While engaged in this preaching mission, more and more I was realizing people’s actual fallen position and your true position as the eternal, truthful representative of the Lord.
Flattering each other has become so common that even sadhus are seen flattering their disciples and the audience. Otherwise, there is the risk of not getting enough followers and enough daksina (the cash in hand). But you seemed not to be worried about that. You were worried about actually waking them up, helping them realize who they were. In the presence of the spiritual master, one must feel as very fallen, fool number one. You were trying to give them this understanding, and if they would accept themselves as fools then immediately their spiritual life would begin. Mayavada philosophy has spread all over so much, and it has mixed with the mind and blood of the people. This Mayavada philosophy advocates the goal as becoming free from all kinds of feelings, including the feeling of anger. As one gets into exhibiting so-called good qualities of not getting angry at others, he ends up also not being a true representative of the Lord.
Lord Krsna exhibited these feelings of anger when he was talking to Sri Arjuna. Krisna chastises Arjuna very heavily for posing himself as a very learned person. He does not talk as if everything is all right or as if it is all one. Instead, He discriminates and states very clearly that He comes to protect His devotees and also to annihilate demons. He also says,
na mam duskrtino mudhah
prapadyante naradhamah
mayayapahrta-jnana
asuram bhavam asritah
“Those miscreants who are grossly foolish, lowest among mankind, whose knowledge is stolen by illusion, and who partake of the atheistic nature of demons, do not surrender unto Me.” (Bhagavad-gita 7.15)
These four kinds of miscreants do not surrender unto Him. He also says, avajananti mam mudha manusim tanum asritam: “Fools deride Me when I descend in the human form.” (Bhagavad-gita 9.11) They are fools. So Lord Krisna was not shy using these terms. And you, being very, very loyal to Lord Krsna, were representing His message as it is. Thus your presentation was befitting, and not Mayavadi.
When I came to your lotus feet I had naturally so many misconceptions, and the sample one is as mentioned above. I am maintaining these contaminated conceptions to different degrees, which is offensive to you, directly or indirectly. I liked you from the very beginning. At the same time, I was very, very offensive at your lotus feet. This offensive mentality is diminished, but it is not finished. Help me, and bless me to realize your true exalted position, so that I may stop being offensive to you altogether. I know I cannot please Lord Krsna without stopping committing offenses at your feet. And I know I have committed very many of them, and am still continuing them. Please help me to put a full stop to all this, once and for all. If this humble Vyasa-puja offering of mine is published, you will of course read it, but if anyone other than you happens to read, they may wonder about the point that I am attempting to make. They may or may not understand it, but I know for sure you would know what I mean. You know everything. You have known me since the beginning. You knew my thoughts in the beginning. You know them even today, and you will always know them in the future. You knew that I was offensive but you are so kind that you just tolerated it. I have tried to express these hidden offensive feelings inside me, but you have always been aware of these. Now I am taking advantage of this Vyasa-puja offering time and trying to cleanse out these dirty things in a formal way. That’s all. I feel very, very guilty for not realizing your true position when I joined, and even up to date I do not have the full realization that you are a paramahamsa devotee, swanlike, spotlessly clean, with no material tinge in your personality. You are a Vaikuntha man. You are Krsna’s man, not ordinary. God realization, or Krsna realization, is only possible when I realize your position as Supreme Personality of Servitor Godhead. I am begging you to help me realize this, Srila Prabhupada.
You will see in the other Vyasa-puja offerings in this book that your children are all very nicely glorifying you. But I have no capacity to do that. I am just an offender. An offender cannot glorify you. Please help me to get rid of this offensive mentality so that I can begin to say a few words about you, the glorious one, Srila Prabhupada. Humbly and lonely, begging for your immediate reciprocation in this regard,
Your unworthy servant,
Lokanath Swami
